The recent commemorations of the 10th anniversary of Diana's death have led to the general concensus that the monarchy was nearly obliterated completely in that surreal first week of September 1997. National feeling towards them swelled into a tidal wave of resentment at their apparent coldness towards the death of the 'People's Princess'- despite the fact that she was much more akin to the royal family than the 'people' in question as she lived in obscene wealth and comfort. In the end, the Great British public won, the monarchy publicly grieved and, by the skin of their teeth, lived to fight (ie: live in obscene wealth and comfort) another day.

Cobblers.

Of all the talents of the British race, and we do have an enviable track record in everything from innovation to warcraft to binge drinking, revolution and the violent overthrow of the powers-that-be has always been our achilles heel- it is to us what repelling invaders is to the French and salsa is to the Belgians.

The closest we ever got was the 'Peasant's Revolt' of 1381 when some grumpy sorts from the Home Counties, cheesed off with serfdom and the introduction of a new tax, needed to find a suitably British form of protest. Unfortunately for them it was still 580 years before Private Eye was created (and 581 years before people strated complaining it wasn't as good as it used to be) and so they instead formed a mob and warned all the tax commissioners off with threats of violence before deciding they were on a bit of a role and the weather was nice and set off for London to give the assembled landed gentry a bit of a kicking and put themselves in charge. They promptly torched every home bigger than a hovel en-route and soon found themselved 10,000 strong and camped at Blackheath overlooking the Thames.

To cut a long story short the king, Richard II, decided to negotiate with Wat Tyler, leader of the revolt. He gave in to a couple of demands which diminished the state the role of the church, suiting Richard nicely as it essentially gave even him even more power, and then promptly told the rebels to bugger off! And then he got the Lord Mayor of London to stab Tyler in the neck before the monarch himself charged over to the peasant army on his steed yelling "You shall have no captain but me!".

A few days later, the rebels asked for another meeting hoping to find the King in a slightly better mood and he simply stated "You wretches, detestable on land and sea; you who seek equality with lords are unworthy to live... you will remain in bondage not as before but incomaparably harsher. For as long as we live we will strive to suppress you". The peasants promptly apologised and shuffled back off to their tiny strips of land having been out-thought, out-willed, out-manouvered and totally belittled on a grand scale by their supreme ruler.

Who was 14 years old.

Yup. Potentially the most violent and significant political upheaval in British history was stopped in it's tracks be someone who most probably had ecxzema. Told you we were rubbish at it. Richard's performance was, however, anything but and must be considered pretty impressive going for an adolescent- facing down an angry army of 10,000 at the same age that I was murdering the chords to Wonderwall.

However, the most anyone really knows about Richard II is that he was a paranoid and untrusting man, destined to give up the throne when his succession was questioned by the man who would become Henry IV after he slipped in by the back door as Richard was on the way back from a botched attempt at supressing Ireland. And the reason for Richard's ignomony far outshining his glory is the work of one of history's few, true untouchables- William Shakespeare.

They say history is written by the winners. Wrong. A significant portion of it, for this country ar least, was written by a bald chap from the Midlands who spent much of his time trying to impress Elizabeth I in the late 16th century by portraying Catholic monarchs as indecisive muppets, Scottish ones as devious tragedians and Danish ones as tragic, devious, indecisive muppets with a penchant for holding skulls.

His plays are filled with intrigue, suspicion, plotting, murder and people in crowns being extremely nervous that their respective houses of cards are going to come crashing down around them.

Which, since Diana died, essentially makes him the Elizabethan version of the Daily Express.